Hacking it in Bucks

Hacking it in Bucks

I love golf – yes, quite simply that means that I love regularly putting myself through four plus hours of failed attempts at putting a tiny rotund projectile in a tiny hole 400+ yards away. Not once, not twice, but 18 times. It gets worse. Inevitably, after every round, I extend the four hours to endless hours of mental racing wondering what titanium hollow technology, ten layered soft feel ball or high priced golf Zen master can help my hopeless cause. I’ve even wondered whether I should ask my saintly Italian mother to put in some prayers to a higher power. The only thing that still makes me believe I am sane is that there are a lot of you out there just like me, or are we all insane?

I recently asked myself how I would describe my golf game if asked. The first word that came to mind was ‘hacker’. Curiously, I decided to find out what this word, used so often by 20+ handicappers like myself, actually means. This is where it gets really sad. If you ask me to define ‘hacker’ I would say a hacker is someone who loves the game of golf and in noble fashion grunts and battles his or her way through worm burner streak shots and well intentioned flop shots often (always) falling short of their target. Unfortunately, after several online searches meant to validate my definition, I conclude that a hacker is quite simply ‘a very bad player’. Kleenex please.

No worries; online definitions be damned. I still believe being a hacker is a noble endeavor, and Bucks County yields a number of great courses where hackers can go to once again try their hand at finding the illusive great round. But before I go into my favorite courses let me outline my Hackers Criteria for ranking these sacred acres on the Hacker Scale (all rights reserved)

1) Hackability – defined as the extent to which the course challenges you and therefore makes you feel more like a hacker, or as the true definition puts it, makes you feel like ‘a very bad player’.

2) Fellowship with fellow Hackers – defined as the extent to which you can find fellow hackers to nod at you in understanding as you send your ball three fairways over.

3) Lost Ball Ranking – lost balls, in my mind, is the best measure of one’s hackitude. The more balls I lost on the course the higher it is rated on the Hacker Scale.

One of the things I have always admired about golfers who battle their way through golf purgatory, or the ‘Hacker’ stage is that no matter how bad it gets, when the sun peeks up on Saturday morning they believe that today could be the day. So rejoice you ‘over the top… too quick…pick up your head….closed clubface…too much leg action…..fade away putting’ hackers, I give you two ideas to chase your great day.

Five Ponds Golf Club (Warminster)

This little gem has always welcomed the hacker in me with well mannered retired starters who wished me a warm ‘play well’. A small wish that just for a moment before putting that clubface through the ball (or the ground) made me believe today was the day. The course ranks high in hackability with a number of pars 5’s that tease every hacker’s desire to over swing and a number of challenging par 3’s that make you hope to get that score down. I happen to have had good fellowship with fellow hackers here highlighted by several pleasant occasions where I had to either hit an approach from a tee box or had to jump in the middle of the fairway to hit my seventh shot. I don’t ever recall hearing a ‘move it’ or seeing a 300 yard zinger fly over my head as I sadly hit my fourth. I believe I have several hundred dollars of balls buried on the course as homage to FarOverPar (did I mention?, the God of Hackers) therefore putting Five Ponds high on the Lost Ball Ranking. Best time of day for a hacker is high noon to 3 pm. You will sweat a little, but don’t we always?

Makefield Highlands Golf Club (Yardley)

This newer track right off 95 is a different experience for Hackers. As you drive up the driveway to the parking lot you can see the challenging par 5 9^th to your left and immediately you think ‘par – easy’. Not so fast. While slightly more formal than the homey Five Ponds Golf Club, this course will challenge you. The front 9 is slightly more open and scoring opportunities abound on holes 3-5. But then this course earns its keep on the hackability front. The par 5 7^th is a monster hole that will have every hacker swinging for the fences. I have had my share of 10’s on this hole, at times getting me close to believing that indeed I was a really bad player. It does not get easier. Once you get to 9 you soon think that perhaps that par you dreamed of driving in might be a tad more challenging. The back 9 closes up a bit starting with 3 punishing holes usually into stiff head and cross winds. My favorite stretch of holes is 13-15, a stretch that will have every hacker scratching their head. My favorite hole is 14 where a good shot can redeem a day of pain. Fellowship with fellow hackers is usually decent, especially if you steer clear of early morning tee times. Let’s just say I probably have a sleeve of balls buried on every hole there so no concerns from a Lost Ball Ranking standpoint.

Hack on amigos…may your great day come soon…

This post was written by Sal Giovine, a contributing feature writer for Bucks Happening. Among other things, Sal enjoys hacking it around in Bucks County & all things outdoors.